Funny Quotes About Being a Parent That You Can Probably Relate To

(guest post)

If the kids are getting you a little frazzled today, it might be time to take five minutes to relax, take some deep breaths and have a good, old fashioned belly laugh. Being a parent is one of the most stressful jobs in the world, but it can be funny too. Check out these funny humorous quotes about raising kids.

“It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner.” – Ben Bergor

Ben Bergor brings up one of those truths that are so hard to comprehend: Why do children show such ineptitude when it comes to chores, but teenagers are so keen, eager and able when it comes to driving the family car?

“Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” – Anonymous

On a Saturday morning, every parent wants nothing more than the child they taught to walk and talk to pipe down and leave them to sleep in!

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” – Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller raised a brood of five children while working as a full-time comedian on television. She managed to raise them all very well and was also able to use her home life as the basis for her comedy. Isn’t that a great double whammy—stressing out and then getting paid to laugh about it!

“Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children.” – Sam Levenson

Ask any parent of a teenager and they will tell you that Sam Levenson’s insanity quip is right on the money. There’s nothing quite as maddening as talking to an adolescent, and most of the time you end up getting swept up in the madness!

“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.” E.W Howe

Speaking of insanity, E.W Howe has a few choice words for the education system—keep it up! Without sending the kids off to school each day, there would be frazzled, angry and stressed parents everywhere trying to get a reprieve from their madness at home.

“Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president, but they don’t want them to become politicians in the process.” – John F. Kennedy

It’s almost a given that when children talk about their career aspirations, moms and dads would love to hear President on the top of the list. But do they have to be politicians first? Hopefully this list of funny parenting quotes has made you feel better today, particularly if you’re feeling like you want to bury your head under a pillow until they’re forced to dress themselves, make their own sack lunches, and get to school themselves!

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What Can I Do Now That I’ve Retired?

Guest post by David

Many people can’t figure out what they want to do when they retire, or if they want to retire at all, but actually retirement is a new lease of life. All those things you’ve never found the time to do, like travelling the world, making repairs to the house, taking up a hobby or even starting a second career, can all be made possible through retirement. You’ve already done the hard part, getting up early every morning, working your way through a valued and rewarding career and taking care of your family financially. So when the time does come to hang up your boots, don’t shy away from it – embrace it! Let’s take a look at some of the best things you can do when you retire.

Get a Job

No, we’re not crazy, and we are actually suggesting you get a job after you retire. Getting a job will help you to ease yourself into retirement, as many people find it hard to simply stop working after a lifetime of employment. It doesn’t have to be a demanding job, or even a well-paid one, but it will have to keep you engaged until you find something to focus your attention on. For example, if you like to garden, then why not work Saturdays at your local gardening centre, or if you enjoy fashion you could put in a few hours a week at your nearest charity shop, sorting out the good stuff from the bad.

Instead of working for money, you could also volunteer, and this vocation attractions millions of retired people every year. Not only is it rewarding, but you also get to mentor the younger generation of the industry you worked in. Furthermore, if you’re looking enter into a second career when you retire, volunteering could help you better understand the role you wish to perform in.

Sport

Sadly, not a lot of working people get time to play sport, from long office hours to stressful family life. However once you’re retired, you’ll have all the time in the world to play any sport you’ve missed out on, or even pick up a few new ones! As you get older, you’ll have to place more focus on looking after your body, and sport is a great way to keep your muscles active and your heart healthy. Sport also promotes social interaction, and although sitting in doors all day and catching up on missed programs seems appealing, interacting with others is essential to enjoying your retirement. Speaking of interaction, retiring with Extra care is a great way to keep active in your later years, so be sure to check them out before you hit that golf course!

Travel

We all know how expensive going on holiday can be, however once you retire and you get that huge financial package you’ve been waiting for, the world is literally your oyster! You don’t have to settle for one destination either – you can travel the world city after city, from one side of the globe to the other. Furthermore, travelling with a partner always makes your trip more enjoyable, so bring a loved one along! 

David enjoys writing about retirement and discussing potential avenues to explore once retired.

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