Random Facts (About Me)

Random facts about me
1. I hate spiders.
2. Snakes are cool though.
3. My favorite cuisine is Mexican. Specifically chimichangas
4. I’m 4’11”.

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Frustrating Day at the Dentist


ID 10048683             Image courtesy of digitalart at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I had a root canal done on a premolar a few months ago.  I was told I needed a crown but I knew I’d probably have to pay the root canal off first. I have dental insurance but it pays around 60%-80%.  So I still owed a pretty large amount. I would have the money at the beginning of the year, so I was thinking that the root canal would be ok until then without a crown. Wrong.

I was eating a sucker the other day, not something I do often, but we had some left over from Halloween. These particular suckers have a plastic stick.  I was chewing on the sucker stick, without really realizing it until I heard a “pop!” sound come from my mouth.  At first, I thought part of the filling (or whatever it is) came out of the tooth.  It was a little sensitive but I didn’t think much about it.  A couple of days later, I noticed while eating that the tooth was split.  The front part of the tooth was loose and I thought it was just going to come off easily. It didn’t and it hurt. So I just decided to leave it alone. I bought some of that temporary dental filling to kind of hold the tooth together until I could go to the dentist. It was a week from the time I heard the “pop!” and my dentist appointment.

The dentist told me that the root canal looked good but that he was going to have to see how far down the tooth was cracked to see if it could be saved. I was praying that it wasn’t cracked down as far as I thought it was.  He took the front part off that was cracked and saw that it was cracked below the gum. So I had two options: Either leave the part of the tooth that was still there and have it pulled later or go ahead and have it pulled now. I told him to go ahead and pull it now. I haven’t had a tooth pulled since I was a kid. And that was a baby tooth.  He had already given me a shot before he pulled that other part of my tooth off, but since he was pulling the whole tooth, he had to give me a shot in the roof of my mouth. Now, the ones in my gum aren’t that bad, but the one in the roof of my mouth almost had me crying.  But I’m sure that didn’t hurt as much as if he had pulled it without novocaine.

I could tell he put something around the tooth to kind of hold it then he began loosening it up.  It didn’t hurt but I felt a lot of pressure and I could hear the tooth breaking. UGH.  It’s not a very nice sound at all.  He had to take it out in two separate parts.  He apologized about not being able to save the tooth.  You know, I felt like telling him that he could make up for it by not making me pay for the root canal lol. I mean I would have gotten the crown if it wasn’t going to be so expensive. So now, I have to wait for my gum to heal and see about getting a bridge or an implant. I’m thinking about getting a bridge because it’s cheaper. I just know I want something in that gap.  I feel so conscious about having a missing tooth. I am thankful that it is kind of in the back though. So the only way anyone can tell I’m missing a tooth there is if I smile really big.

I came home, took a pain pill, and was really upset for awhile.  Then my husband came home, told me I was still beautiful and made me mashed potatoes.  That made me feel better.  My daughter was like, “Mom, it’s not a big deal”. My youngest son, Trey, asked if the tooth would grow back. I told him no because it was a permanent tooth.  Then he said “Well, I can make you a tooth to put there, but it will take a lot of super glue and wax, not ear wax, bees wax.”  Even though I wasn’t in a good mood, that did make me laugh.

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Social Anxiety is Real, People

I have realized that my social anxiety disorder prevents me from keeping a job. And I hate that. I really do. But I feel totally powerless to do anything about it. To make things worse, unless you have an anxiety disorder, you don’t understand. My husband tries to be understanding, but I know it’s difficult. I’ve worked at home doing childcare for the past 3 years because I didn’t want to work outside the home. Everytime I get a job elsewhere, I tend to have panic attacks or just start crying. I have no clue why. I take a medication for depression/anxiety. It helps to a point.
I took a new job Monday. I’ve already quit and it’s only Wednesday. It’s not because I’m lazy. It was a factory job I’d done about 15 years ago. While I remembered the basics, they have changed up a lot of things. There was more pressure put on me because I had some experience doing the job. I always hate being a trainee because most of the time, the trainers don’t really have the patience they should. I can sense when someone is getting aggravated with me and that increases my anxiety. I was in tears nearly all of yesterday. Of course, I excused myself to the restroom because I didn’t want to cause a scene. But it became more and more difficult to sit there and not get upset. So, I just emailed the HR person who hired me and let them know the job wasn’t a good fit for me. I know I should have called him, but once again, my anxiety gets in the way of that. I’ve held jobs before but my anxiety wasn’t that bad then.
From the outside looking in, I’m sure it just seems as if I’m lazy and don’t want to work. That’s not true at all. I’ve done inhome childcare for 3 years. Sure, it was stressful, but I didn’t go to bed absolutely dreading working the next day. I only thought it stressed me out until I took this other job. Now that I have some perspective, I wish I could do childcare again. I get to stay home but also bring in a little money.
I’m not a total agoraphobe. I do go out, but usually only with someone else. I mean,I’ll go walking by myself, but when it comes to going to crowded places alone, I won’t do it. I’m not writing this for pity, I just want anyone else out there who goes through the same thing to know they are not alone. I know how it feels to think that no one understands you. I’m at that place right now. No matter how many words I write, I feel like I can’t adequately explain how I feel.
Even though I quit the job, I’ve still been crying because I feel so guilty for quitting. The anxiety is gone but I know I’ve disappointed people and that makes me feel, for lack of a better term, like crap.

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I need a job.

I need a job, like yesterday. This childcare job is playing out. I am only working about 2 days on average. Sure, it’s great for the parents. The mom took a higher paying job and she’s not having to send her daughter to daycare any more than 2 days a week. If I hadn’t been keeping the little girl since she was 7 months old, I’d probably just tell the mom that I couldn’t keep her daughter any more. But I guess until I do find another job, I’ll continue to provide childcare for the mom.

I have applied at so many different places. I have an associates degree but that doesn’t seem to be very helpful right now. I have to admit though that after being an inhome childcare provider for the past 3 years, I am a bit hesitant getting a job away from home. I like working at home and being my own boss. But at the same time, I also like to be able to pay my bills. I have several credit cards that are behind and I’d love to get them all paid off. I got the credit cards before my income dropped so much so I always intended on paying them. If there hadn’t been drama with 2 of the other moms (who are sisters) then I’d still be making enough to pay my credit cards.

However, I’d be equally happy to find a job that I can work from home. I think I’d be good at any sort of data entry/computer job, well except for transcription. That was a class I did really well in while I was in college. But the thing is, the files you transcribe in class are fairly clear and so it doesn’t take that long to type it out. The files I’ve been asked to transcribe for various companies usually have poor audio quality. Actually, one company gave me a file to transcribe as a test. It was really clear and not hard to understand at all. I passed the test but the first file they assigned me to transcribe was barely audible. They wanted a 24 hour turnaround and there was no way I was going to be able to do that with that low quality file. So yeah, anything but transcription LOL.

If anyone knows of any jobs hiring online, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know in the comments!

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