Sometimes I think too much. Lately I’ve been thinking about friendships. I don’t really have any friends and I used to think it was because no one liked me. But the truth is, I’m a bit standoffish. I don’t go out of my way to make friends. I feel awkward and wierd trying to talk to new people. I think the reason behind some of that is the fact that the few close friends I’ve had have used me or were never friends at all. Case in point. I was friends with a girl in jr high and I am not sure why I ever considered her a friend, much less my best friend. She always made fun of me, convinced other girls to bully me, and sabatoged relationships I had.
For instance, she insisted I date a male friend of hers when we were in 10th grade. I didn’t really know him but she kept on and on until I finally agreed. He and I went on one date. He was ok. Nothing to write home about. But I decided to give him a chance. He was not the best looking guy, but I know looks aren’t everything. I wanted to get to know him. A few days later, he called me and said that he didn’t want to go out with me anymore (remember, we had only been on 1 date lol) because someone had basically told him I was stupid and didn’t have any sense. The funny thing about that is, he went to a different school than I did and the only person we had in common was my friend. He had given me this cheap necklace for my birthday and asked me to give it to our friend so she could bring it to him. I didn’t care. It was probably fake anyway. So I gave the necklace to my friend and the next day, she comes to school wearing the necklace! I’m not an idiot so I point blank asked her, “Are you and F going out now?” She looked me right in my face and told me “no”. I left it at that.