Frenemy: A High School Tale

Sometimes I think too much.  Lately I’ve been thinking about friendships.  I don’t really have any friends and I used to think it was because no one liked me. But the truth is, I’m a bit standoffish. I don’t go out of my way to make friends.  I feel awkward and wierd trying to talk to new people.  I think the reason behind some of that is the fact that the few close friends I’ve had have used me or were never friends at all. Case in point. I was friends with a girl in jr high and I am not sure why I ever considered her a friend, much less my best friend. She always made fun of me, convinced other girls to bully me, and sabatoged relationships I had.

For instance, she insisted I date a male friend of hers when we were in 10th grade.  I didn’t really know him but she kept on and on until I finally agreed.  He and I went on one date.  He was ok. Nothing to write home about.  But I decided to give him a chance.  He was not the best looking guy, but I know looks aren’t everything.  I wanted to get to know him. A few days later, he called me and said that he didn’t want to go out with me anymore (remember, we had only been on 1 date lol) because someone had basically told him I was stupid and didn’t have any sense. The funny thing about that is, he went to a different school than I did and the only person we had in common was my friend. He had given me this cheap necklace for my birthday and asked me to give it to our friend so she could bring it to him. I didn’t care. It was probably fake anyway. So I gave the necklace to my friend and the next day, she comes to school wearing the necklace!  I’m not an idiot so I point blank asked her, “Are you and F going out now?”  She looked me right in my face and told me “no”. I left it at that.

The next day before class, she hands a note to me and walks away. No big deal. We wrote letters to each other every day. This was before cellphones and messenger of course. In the letter she apologized saying she was sorry she lied but that she and F. were dating.  I was infuriated. Not because she was going out with him. I wasn’t angry over that. I had only went out with him once so it wasn’t as if I was that invested in the relationship anyway. No, I was livid because she lied to me. To my face. This resulted in us not speaking for several weeks. I even threatened to fight her. I know, immature on my part, but I was only 16. The guy ended up calling me, threatening me to leave her alone or else.  That didn’t surprise me. It was so like her to get other people to do things like that.  I never fought her and after a couple of weeks,she and F. stopped going out. We started speaking again.  This was not the first time she sabatoged a relationship. I could write a book on all the stuff my supposed best friend did to me over the years.

We haven’t spoken for about 2 years. It’s a vicious cycle. I will contact her, we’ll start talking again, and then all of a sudden she stops speaking to me and blocks me on social media. Sometimes I know why and sometimes I don’t.  I have just gotten to the point where I refuse to beg her to be my friend. The story I told on the blog today was just one of the many lousy things she has done to me.  The thing is, I have no clue why I stayed friends with her for so long. It’s not like I didn’t have other friends. I did.  But she was my best friend. She was my go to person when I needed to talk. But she was never really there for me. She was what I refer to as a frenemy. I think for whatever reason, she stayed friends with me just so she could bring me down.  Maybe it made her feel better about herself, I don’t know.

I don’t think there’s a moral to this story except maybe if someone intentionally does things to hurt you over and over again, then maybe they aren’t your friend. I’ve tried to instill this in my kids. I’ve told them they need to pick quality people to be their friends. Be picky about who you give attention to. My kids have done so much better with picking friends than I did.

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Stay away Drama Llama!

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I was checking my facebook yesterday when I noticed that my wishy washy friend, A. wasn’t on there anymore. I thought maybe she just deactivated it. So I went to my daughter’s account and sure enough, I could see A.’s profile.  So I decided to check instagram.  She blocked me there and also on pinterest.  I was thinking, wtheck?  Now for a little backstory. She was married to someone named D.  They divorced but he’s a decent guy and Will and I are friends with him.  A. used to lie about him all the time to me and had me believing he wasn’t taking care of their daughter. I finally figured out she was just lying to make herself look better.  She has done nothing but lied about him to whoever would listen.

Now back to the original story.  D. was friends on fb with both Will and I.  I noticed he had deleted and blocked me.  I sent a message to his new wife and asked why he would do that.  She said she didn’t know and that nothing had been said to her.  D. unblocked me this morning so I decided to send him a message and see what was going on.  He posted a status to the effect of how people seem to screw him over and benefit from it. I liked the status but I am not sure if it was about her or not.   A. must have seen that from her daughter’s account and got angry about it. So she told D. that I was telling her that he was talking about her on facebook, which isn’t true at all.  I admitted that when they first split up and she had me believing he wasn’t a good father, I said something then. I thought I was being a good friend But that was over a year or two ago and before I was really friends with D. After I figured out the truth, I stopped saying anything about him to her at all.  I just stayed out of it.  I mean if she’s referring to that, why in the world would she bring it up nearly 2 years later? Of course, she didn’t tell him she was the one initiating the conversations badmouthing him.  But, as I said before, I learned to stay out of it

The fact is, she thought the status was about her, saw that I “liked” it and got mad. She wanted to confront D., but she knew if she told him how she saw the status, she’d look like a stalker. So she just told him I had been telling her he was talking about her on fb.  Which I didn’t.  I always say that I am done with her.  I’ve known her for  a long time and always tried to see the good in her. But this time, I am done. She is delusional and has no problem making up lies about someone to get her way. A. tried to ruin my marriage with lies, then when that didn’t work, she told the principal at Jake’s school that he was bullying her oldest son (not true at all).  Jake was about in 6th grade, I think. I took my butt right up to the school when I found out about it and let the vice principal know exactly what kind of person A. was.  Of course, I don’t think she believed me, but I’m guessing after A.’s son started constantly getting in trouble and being sent to the alternative school, she knew I was right.

I have no clue what her problem is. I don’t know why she feels it’s ok to lie about people. Who knows, maybe she is so delusional that she believes her own lies.  Maybe I don’t understand it because I am not that type of person. I don’t think any normal person sets out to ruin someone else’s life just because they are jealous. I will admit, I get jealous of people sometimes, but I would never think about lying about them because of it.

The funny thing is, I was actually considering deleting her anyway because I got tired of all of the stuff she posted on fb. So she really did me a favor. So does anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with a delusional person like this?

 

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