Remember how I wrote about finding out my husband had a nearly 18 year old daughter from a relationship he had when he was a teenager himself? If not, then here’s the post . Well we went to visit her several times and eventually convinced her to move in with us. She was living in another state in a group home (for reasons I’m not going to get into on here). The area she was wanting to move to was not a good one. We were afraid she might get in with the wrong crowd and end up not only getting herself hurt, but possibly her child (who is a year old). She realized she didn’t want to be on her own just yet,especially in a place where she doesn’t have family. So we went and picked her up last Sunday. We drove 6 hours out there, helped her load her stuff off, then drove 6 hours back. Her bio mom lives in the same state. She lost custody of K when K was 4. I’m not sure why she was never able to get custody back. And she hadn’t seen K since she was 14. She never made the effort to see her in the group homes she was in. I’m not sure if the state would have allowed that or not. However, K’s mom was supposed to go visit her when she was having the baby and she never did. I don’t have a lot of respect for the bio mom because she’s extremely rude and blames everyone else for her problems. I added bio mom on my Facebook in an effort to be cordial with her. I even told her that we would make sure that K. had a way to come and see her. I get a message back that basically says “I don’t have a problem with you or Will, but I seriously hope you aren’t planning on getting my daughter with y’all and turning her against me. I love my daughter whether or not I was able to be with her.” I kept my cool, even though I wanted to tell her exactly what I think of her mothering skills. I told her that was not our intention at all.I also told her we’d bring K. and the baby to her or she was more than welcome to come to our house if she wanted. She stated “No, I won’t come out there, she can come see me”. We weren’t planning on turning K. against her mom. All we wanted was to move her down here so we could be around K. and the baby.
Back to the story. We get back here on Monday morning about 12 am. We all go to bed around 2 am. K’s mom had been texting/calling her since we left the group home. She was wanting K. to come over the next day. Around 2 we left to go meet them at Wal-mart. We live about 45 min from the town we met bio mom in. Bio mom lives maybe 15 min away. So we really went out of our way so she could see K. When we got there, bio mom didn’t even acknowledge I was there and only managed to mutter out a “hey” to Will. Now, did I expect her to be all excited to see us? No. But it would have been nice if she had at least said “Thank you.” We thought that K. might just stay the night and then come back home the next day to get settled in here. Nope. Will text her to see when she wanted to come home and she said she was going to stay with her stepsister. Ok,fine. Well then yesterday, Will text her again asking when she was coming home so we could make plans to come get her. She said “Well, my mom is wanting me to stay until the weekend.” She then wanted Will to drive 45 min to pick her up, bring her out here to get some clothes for her and the baby, and then drive her back. Um, no. Her step sister ended up driving her out here. Will talked to her before she got here and said that he was a little jealous that she was spending all this time with her mom and her family and basically ignoring us. K.’s excuse was, “Well I didn’t do anything wrong. I figured you’d understand I’d want to see my family because I haven’t seen them in awhile.” It’s not that we didn’t think she’d want to see them, we just thought she’d get settled in here first. Will also told her that her mom could be more appreciative of the fact that we drove her all the way out there to see them. She said “Well, my mom doesn’t have a car.” The car that they were in when we met up with them was her stepsister’s car. It just seems like she makes excuses for her mom. However, when we visited her in the group home,she kept saying how immature her mom was and how her mom got on her nerves. It seems now she’s done a total turn around when it comes to her mom. And to add to all this, my mil has become buddy/buddy with the bio mom. I thought it was kind of odd at first that my mil hasn’t called Will,but then again, she’s probably getting all her news from bio mom. I’d love for my mil to explain just why it’s imperative for her to be friends with bio mom. There’s really no sense in it.
I just told Will to not even text K. anymore. We are not planning things around her. If she gets ready to come home and we aren’t busy, then we’ll go get her. Otherwise, she’ll have to wait until it’s convenient for us. Will and I are both hurt by the way she has treated us. We didn’t think it would be easy with her moving in here, but we didn’t expect her to use us that way. We have spent a lot of money on her and the baby. We took time out of our schedule to come and get her. That also cost money. It’s like she doesn’t even appreciate it. I know part of it is that she has this newfound freedom. I get that. But she needs to learn to respect other people. I guess that’s something she was never taught. I just pray she sees who really cares about her and stop acting so self centered.